I Survived a Wedding!

Saturday's wedding was ten hours of pure pants-shitting thrills.  And I survived.

It was nerve-wracking being the lead shooter for the first time.  It's so much easier to be the second shooter... so much less responsiblity and lots more time for grabbing shots you want.  I took a more consevative route and shot for safety first, not allowing myself the freedom of full creativity.  Every now and then I snapped a creative shot, but I did not nearly push the envelope as hard as I normally would.  

I have reviewed the raw results and am pleased enough that there appears to be no disaster.  The only key shot I did not successfully get was the throwing of the bouquet.  The flash didn't fire, even though I snapped at the precise moment it was caught.  Oh well.  I did point it out to the bride and groom there and then, and they seemed okay with it.

I enjoyed shooting the bride and her maids getting ready at the hotel the most.  They were great: totally ignored me and did their thing while I moved around and snapped away.  It was such a relaxed, focussed atmosphere and I found that section of the day's photographs to be the one's I'm happiest with as a result.  I suck at the formals, and although I guess they are necessary, would really prefer it if they just were not done.

The couple themselves were also awesome.  They were very grounded and friendly and treated me like a king, something that never happens when I film weddings.  I believe they will be happy with the results and am I glad to have had their wedding for my first gig as the lead photographer.

1st Solo

Another shot of Helga during our shoot with lighting.

I shoot my first solo wedding today.  Wish me luck!

Dancing with Light

Thankful

I was involved in an accident this evening.  As I rode home from work, the car in front of me turned off the road without indicating and I crashed into it.  Fortunately, both of us were going relatively slowly.  I picked up some minor grazing on my left hand and arm and hurt my left knee (it impacted the road first and the sccoter I was on landed on the leg).  But otherwise, I am unhurt - no blows to the head, neck or shoulders and both ankles and feet are fine.  There is even very little damage to the scooter.

So, today I am thankful.  I am thankful that I could walk through the front door of my house and into the bathroom to where the rest of the family was, and to see them all, to greet them all, to find out how my stepson's day was, how my fiance's day was, to look into the face of my smiling son who is fourteen months old, to be able to smile back at him and feel immense joy, and to feel a happiness and contentedness for who I am.

Today I am thankful, regardless of how little money I own, or that I don't have clue where I'll be living or working in less than two months from now.  Today I have forgotten that my teeth need fixing, that I'm losing my hair, that I don't always take great photographs.  Today, I am simply thankful. 

Off Topic (OT) - A Surprise

Please click on the title of this post.

It was passed on to me today.  It came as a welcome surprise.  It is a condensed version of a little something that I wrote for my good friend and artist Jost Kirsten, who is currently on an art stipend in Germany.  The English version in below the photograph.

The Passage

And time itself, too, will one day make a mockery of us; our attempts at grandeur, pompousness, bullying, selfishness and narcissistic tendencies.

Yes, time itself imposes on us the greatest imaginable horror, that of an unstoppable forward motion in which the body decays bit by bit and the soul fights bravely on for eternal renewal, captive within a beautifully flawed prison of delicate flesh and bone.  And I dream of the day when I will once again be able to shed a tear, because I have become immunized against the dreadfulness of our dismal actions toward one another.  I am no romantic.  I am no idealist.  I am not religious, nor spiritual.  Yet I am confounded each day how we, as a species, made it this far.  I am confounded when I look at the purity of heart of my son of thirteen months and know that I have no real alternatives to the massive pain of current relationships in the world.  I am ashamed that neither I nor my generation has managed to overcome our infantile behaviour tward each other, despite our once held wisdom of how things could and should be being just beneath the surface of our daily consciousness.  Instead, we place ownership on feelings and fight each other to the death or worse over these ridiculous emotions we scarcely understand.

But I know this - time will make a mockery of all these lunacies.  Time: the great equalizer whose consequence we can all fear equally.

How is any of this relevant?  You may well ask.  I have had a lasting fascination and adoration for decaying buildings, long-since abandoned and crumbling under the weight of both the elements and time.  They are full of hope and dispair simultaneously.  They are symbolic of our ridiculously highfalutin images of ourselves.  They are reminders of how imortant humility is; the underlying strength of patience; the frailty of our dreams; and , most vitally for me, the sheer beauty that arises from blemishes.  Each tick and tock of the second hand is an opportunity to witness the remarkable.

And the apple dangling before my ego's cart is thus - to capture the spirit and physicality of those decaying buildings in human form.  For what else produces the slant of those shoulders, the depth of these lines, the magnificence of our bodily expression when it finds honesty... if it is not time?

The Image Above:

As I walked out of my work premisis one day, I saw this locust impaled on a cactus leaf.  I have never seen anything like it before, nor since that day.  My best guess is that he was blown into the plant by the wind, as it was the time of year when strong, hot desert winds blow here.

Satisfied

Albeit just for today, I am satisfied with what I've turned out this year so far.  (On the whole)

My progress in the photographgy game is slow, but having done a mini-evaluation of my work from the past year or so, I can see that I have definitely improved in several key areas (composition probably being the greatest step forward, thank God!).

It is only by placing the pictures from the past 12 months next to each other that I can get a realistic idea of what changes have occurred in my style and abilities as a photographer.  It becomes too difficult to notice on a day-to-day basis, which often results in much disappointment and frustration.  But, when I can stand back and look at a progression of work, it all falls into place so much better.

Above is a picture of my good friend Dalton, taken a couple of weeks ago.

1st Student

On Friday I started my first teaching session with Carol.  She called me up earlier in the week and asked if I would mind teaching her how to use her camera.  I was very keen to get started, knowing the value of teaching lies in both learning new things from students as well as reaffirming what you do and do not know about your subjects.

Carol is from Canada, and shows a very keen interest in improving her photography.  She is interested in landscape shooting, which is not a strong point of mine at all, but I can at least teach her how to use her equipment correctly to get the shots she sees in her head.  Our first lesson was three hours long and included an interview and getting her to exclusively use the Aperture Priority setting on her camera for the next week.  I also introduced her to the rule of thirds in composition.

This is both an interesting and exciting challenge for me, and it feels great to share with another photographer.

Images from a Disasterous Wedding

See previous entry for the write up about the wedding.  The shots are out of order, but I think one can get the idea anyway...

With Light

Just finished up another shoot with Helga, who is back in town.

We shot in a garage using two lights, something I am not well practised in, but it was great to have the opportunity.  Once again it was really fun and I think I managed to get a couple of pretty good shots.  I used the analog 50mm lens (the light wasn't that great), so will have to deal with losing a substantail number of the shots to blur, but my gut instinct says that the shots I really wanted should turn out okay.

Thanks again to Helga for being willing to help me with my learning curve...

Casino Lights

After 14 years out in the wilderness called Swakopmund, the time has finally come to succumb to the casino lights beckoning on the horizon - Windhoek in this case.

We have given notice on our house for the end of April.  That is commitment.  Now, I need to find work in Windhoek, whether it be full-time employment or continuing as a freelance.  I will most likely try to stay in the videography/editing/film field.  At least in Windhoek I have more prospects at advancement of my skills and opportunities.  My photography will most likely stay on the back-burner.  Like any bigger city, there is a lot of stiff competition; some established, some establishing.  And, of course, prices so low that I cannot compete.  An example of this is a website that is looking for freelance events photographers.  The place 50 photos on their site and pay you N$2.50 per photograph.  Copyright questions I had were not answered.

Still, I am personally exicted about the prospect of real opportunity to move ahead, a concept that has become hard to envision here at the coast.  Only, I am having a mild bout of acrophobia - that's my way of saying that I have a fear of succeeding.  But I am determined to overcome it and to seize every opportunity that allows me to grow artistically, creatively, business-wise and professionally.

So, the plan to move towards pro photography, though not over with, has found itself currently stalled...

Helga's Last

Alrighty - we're already in March!!!

Here are the last shots of Helga from our session a while ago. Today I will start the editing of the fashion shoot taken early in the year. I received the final shotlist for editing yesterday, and so now have all of Beatrice's choices. I am still waiting Henriette's list, but I should be busy for a while with what Beatrice has given me. Now that I know her choices, I can post a couple of outtakes to the blog. Keep an eye open for those over the next week or so...

Outtakes and Experiments

I thought I'd post some shots today that ordinarily wouldn't see the light of day - the outtakes and experiments.  These are the hundred shots not chosen for each one that is, or shots taken in extreme conditions and then used for editing practice.

This shot was taken in the dune belt between Swakopmund and Walvis Bay as I waited for sunset to take the 'beauty shot'.  I recently recalled it to practice some editing techniques o

n.  I intentionally picked the original because the light was very flat, but still had some shadow in it that could potentially be used.  I wanted to play with a smoothing technique and was pretty happy with the results.  Looking at the shot now I think that if I added a different sky, it could actually make for quite a pleasant image.

But pleasant is not good enough, so this shot will go back into the big folder on the hard drive.

I tookl this photograph between 16h00-17h00 when the light was at its worst on the surface of the sea.  The surfer is backlit and I was/am risking some serious blowout on the highlights.  So, my first call to action was to practice my black and white conversion ability, using the backlit surfer to create a silhoutte on the water rather than going for a detail shot.  But, the photo still seemed flat to me after the conversion from colour, so I tried a technique I never use, which

 is to blur a large section of the shot and leave the focal point (in this case I chose the surfer) sharp.  I had quite a bit of fun doing it and struggled a lot with the nitty gritty of where to blur and where not.  I still don't think the picture is complete, but it turned out to be a fun image.

This photo was an exercise in texture and toning.

Split toning can be a lot of fun - the infinite number of variables you have in your choice of colour is daunting and one could spend hours and hours on this alone.  For this particular image I didn't want a straight black and white look, but rather a tinted look.  I must have been in the right zone, because I was very happy with the results after a short period of time and didn't want to carry on in case I messed the shot up completely.

Strange that - knowing I'll never use this photograph for anything, but still being so precious about it.

Nonetheless, I found that the toning complimented the texture of the daisy bush and the twigs and grass really well, and also complimented the cat in the bush by not hiding him too much, but also not making him very obvious at first glance (at least I hope so).

So, there you have it; three photos that would otherwise never make it near to my portfolio nor be published by me for any reason.  I think it is important to illustrate that photography is a process, just like any of the other arts, and that it takes hours of practice and discipline to get a handle on, and decades to master.

More Shots of Helga

I have a bit of a cold/flu bug right now.  I'll let the pictures do the talking for themselves.

Inspiration

I recently came across this short video, and would recomment ANY artist watch it.  It was made by a photographer and in it he discusses his art, but I know from experience with other artists that the processes he describes applies to painting, sculpture etc. etc.

The piece is truly inspirational and insightful, and is beautifully made.  Watch it.

www.zarias.com

Which got me thinking further.  Here in Namibia the art community is severely disjointed and not very communicative with, nor helpful to, one another.  I cannot speak about other art communities across the borders, so won't.  But in Namibia, artists need to survive in a metaphorical (and sometimes literal) desert.  There is a lack of originality, of spark, passion, daring, real thought, provocation, challenge... and, of course as mentioned earlier - artists helping one another, be it within their discipline or outside of it.  Whether that is because of low self-esteem, arrogance, fear, envy or any combination of all of those and more, I do not know.  

But I do know how disheartening it can be.  And so I find it rather amazing that the International photographic community is so encouraging of photographers at all levels.  I spend time on photo sharing sites (flickr for example) and spend most of my time reading and learning from others there.  On these sites, there are some outstanding photographers who, as I have recently found out, are more than willing to help out a newbie with questionable talent like myself.  And I'm not just talking here about posting a question on a forum - uh uh - I'm talking about sending them a personal message and receiving a personal response that is positive 100% (so far) of the time.

It makes me feel good to belong to a group of likeminded creatives who are open to sharing with anyone, regardless of how 'great' a photographer they have become.  I cannot speak for other creative and artistic communities, but can only hope that the same is true there.

So, as a result of sharing ideas and inspirations, I have been invited to join a blog of photographers.  The intent of the blog is for photographers to write articles in which they share their experience with other photographers.  These articles are then posted to the blog for anyone to use on their own blog, provided the author of the article is credited. 

I intend to make use of this fantastic opportunity, and so will have 'guest' writers on my blog from time to time.

Now, go and look at that $#*&! video link above...

More Photos of Helga

My internet connection is still not working in the evenings, so today I upload from work. Hehehehehe.

Here are some more photos from the shoot with Helga last week.

I went for a straightforward portrait-like shot here to illustrate Helga's face.

Helga wanted a lot of B&W shots (which I ended up not delivering because the colors came out really nicely in a lot of shots). This was shot with the intention of being converted to B&W, and although I am no expert in that style, I was happy enough with the results.

It was really hot out in the desert, which made for a largely subdued shoot, but we did have a short session where we upped the energy level a bit.

A wind was gusting at this location, blowing Helga's hair into her face. I didn't mind too much, but also wanted to get some shots of her face without the hair in it, so asked her to shake her head to clear the hair from her face - click!

Definitely not one of my favorites here, but interesting enough. As you can see, the light was extremely harsh and I was trying to use it to create a strong effect in the shot.

Mixed Bag

I am, and have been for the last couple of days, feeling like a bag full of mixed emotions regarding my photography.

The results of the shoot with Helga were very positive. I got quite a bit of material that I was happy with and even managed to surprise myself once or twice. Helga too, was pleasantly surprised and happy with the results.

On Saturday the 14th I shot a wedding. I was not the official photographer and had met neither the couple nor the official photographer before the time. I was only there to shoot, with the couple's permission, some shots for my portfolio. I would give them a few shots in return for the opportunity to take the photos.
Because it was a 'for free' gig, I did not hire the lenses and camera I would for a paid gig. Instead, I took my analogue lenses and D50 body, and borrowed my boss's Sony camera (which I have not shot with seriously before).
My first concern came when it became apparent that the official photographer did not know who I was or that I would be taking photographs too.
The rest, as they say, is a disaster.

I don't wish to go into specifics here. Despite the fact that this is quite a personal professional blog, I will not get into mudslinging or blame-games. Suffice is to say that I learned a number of invaluable lessons never to be repeated.

The most important lesson that I learned though, was that I am responsible for making sure that I get an end product that the couple/client will be happy with, and have to do everything in my power to make sure that I take that responsibility, from pre-wedding meetings to taking the photographs on the day to presenting them in the most effective manner I can. If anything goes wrong to the point of not being able to deliver, I must assume responsiblity (barring Acts of God and the like).

I am also stuck on the editing of the fashion shoot of 30 Jan-01 Feb. I received most of the go-aheads from Beatrice yesterday. I took a look at her choices and can quite frankly say that few of them would have been my first choices. To add to matters, I now have very strict guidelines to follow in editing (this is for a professional fashion portfolio after all) and am wondering if I will be able to follow those guidelines to achieve a look and feel in the pics that I will be satisfied to call my product. Hopefully I am only having a case of pre-editing nerves.

And so, seeing that my internet connection has been down in the evenings again and I haven't posted anything for a while, I'm going to add some pics from Helga's shoot to today's post.

Enjoy!

This is currently my favorite shot of the day. I really like the
movement, texture and energy of the shot.





Another shot that I personally like a lot. I enjoy the perspective and unusual lines of the composition, as well as the shadow of her hand extending beyond the confines of the photographed area.





Here's Helga looking (to me anyway) a hell of a lot like Courney Love. What I like about it is the almost clinical studio/setup feel disturbed by the crack in the wall near the bottom left of the shot (pic was taken in an abandoned building out in the desert, and Helga is holding a vandalized light switch that is still hanging from a broken wall - it reminded me of an old-fashioned microphone). And you gotta dig that hat!

Growing Portfolio

A shot of Helga and I walking from one location to another out in the desert.

An old friend of mine, Helga, who moved to Holland several years ago to live there is in town. Today we did a shoot so that I could grow my portfolio and so that she could get some photos of herself.

We did a mid-morning/midday shoot (!) out at some deserted buildings. Town was covered in a thick fog again that even reached to our location (some 40km out of town) at around 10h30. As soon as the fog burned off though, the afternoon heated up very quickly to become a swelteringly humid. Still, Helga and I shot out what we could. Despite lathering herself with sunscreen, she still got burnt.

The shoot was great fun. We had no preconceived ideas of what we wanted to do, so used the location and light to determine what we shot. The circumstances were very difficult. I shot exclusively with analog lenses, so everything was natural light. I have to admit that I really would have liked to use a fill-flash for some of the work, but the analog lenses disable the cameras flash capacities. I struggled with focusing the lenses (again), particularly when trying to shoot wide - the lenses are the 35-70mm zoom and 50mm primes.

After the deserted buildings, we headed back to a clearer town to have a cup of coffee and short break. Afterward, we headed to an abandoned sports stadium in the center of town and got some interesting shots in mirrored glass. From there we drove around looking for another location, and chanced to pass the now defunct brewery building. It was after 17h00 and almost everyone had gone home. I asked one of the employees still there if we could shoot, and to my surprise he said we could, but only had half an hour. He led us to a couple of incredible rooms we could use and I got busy as quickly as possible. The light was dim so I could only use the 50mm prime at f-1.8 to get any kind of speed on the glass. I struggled yet again with the wider shots and focusing. This time the focusing was tricky because I could hardly see Helga in some of the shots, she was so dark, and working at f-stop 1.8 meant absolute precision. Nonetheless, it was a very special half hour of shooting - the brewery is being dismantled and it will be impossible to shoot there in the near future, so I feel very fortunate to have at least got a couple of relatively decent shots in there. I would really like to go back and shoot there some more - the place is incredible.

All in all I'm happy with the day and am very glad to have another new face to add to my portfolio. I must say a big thanks to Helga for her patience with me and for her great sense of humor. It was a very fun day and a very easy-going shoot.

*I haven't posted for a while because:
1. Last weekend I had back-to-back birthdays of my step-son and own son which completely wiped me out and
2. My internet connection has been down since Monday (at least each evening I have tried to get on to the net)

Inspiring

Not a long one today... instead a link to an inspiring photographer called John Michael Cooper. He has been credited for starting the Trash The Dress (TTD) ceremony of wedding photography. But that is not why I share this link with his site; rather it is so display what fantastic photography can look like, and gives me something to aspire to in the future.

Check out John Michael Cooper at http://www.altf.com/ and get ready to spend some time there...

Photoshoot - Day 3 Summary

Another morning out in the desert. The weather was suffering multiple personality disorder; Heavy fog for half an hour, then clouds covering the whole sky from the horizon up. The said clouds had little patches of blue in them and differed in thickness, which meant that the light exposures were bouncing up and down by the second.
To add to the trickiness factor - I was shooting in a northerly direction (sidelight on the models - heavy shadow when the sun popped out sporadically) so as to get a mountain as the backdrop. Models wore white tops, have black skin - an exposure nightmare considering all the aforementioned factors, and include that my brief was for a natural light shoot only. So, without the option of fill-flash... tough going!

The evening shoot was meant to be the crowning jewel of the three days. Fog as thick and dark as storm clouds as we arrived. I cursed. Dark, flat light meant slow shooting or pushing up the iso. Both could potentially mean high noise factors in the dark areas (the models skin). I opted out of the high iso and shot what I could at the fastest possible shutter speeds I could get without compromising my depth of field to much. Once again, a fill-flash would have made things easier, but was not to be. A strong, icy wind whipped over the dunes and Judith and Ester were amazing - although they were getting very cold, they did not complain once and were extremely patient with the designers and I when we pushed for 'just one more' in each outfit/setup. As you may suspect, that 'one more' always became another ten minutes before they could be covered by a blanket. I really felt sorry for both of them, but was so concerned about getting a decent shot that I pushed them as hard as I could. We bled the little bit of light that we had right to the end, and then all collapsed onto the ground in elation that we had done as much as we could for the past three days to try and get the best possible shots we were capable of as a group.
The shoot was over, and there was nothing else we could do...

Photoshoot - Day 2 Summary

On the 2nd morning of the shoot we were back on the beach. This time it was a narrow strip of pink and black sand. The sky was overcast with no sign of sun breaking anytime - exactly what we were not wanting.

Working in a small area (there were also fishing boats out at sea and fishermen along the coast to be avoided in the shots) was challenging and confined a lot of my angles. It was tough going but we managed to get some shots that we were happy with. The Judith and Ester (our models) had a fantastic time playing on the beach and got quite a shock at how cold the sea was. Beatrice and Henriette (our designers) discovered how badly one can get sunburned through the fog.

Our evening shoot was out in the desert, about 45km out of town. There was a moment of despair when we realized how deep the fog went into the desert. We struggled to find a straight length of railway in the sun and almost gave up. Fortunately, we found a great spot just as the light was entering the golden hour. Judith and Ester looked amazing in the garments in the sunset glow, and I was again more comfortable shooting in the desert than the beach.

Because the shoot incorporated a stretch of railway line, Judith had to have a crash course in walking on one of the steel girders in platform shoes. She mastered it quickly and did a superb job of both walking on a single track and maintaining an air of calm in front of the camera. For this she must be applauded!

Although it was a day of mixed fortunes, the overall feel was of optimism after the spectacular light and backdrop of the evening shoot. When we returned to Swakopmund, the fog was heavy again and we decided that we would do another shoot in the desert the following morning not too far from where we had done the previous evening's shoot. We had spotted a wonderful stretch of desert and small rocky hilltops that would work wonderfully with the early morning sun light.
Plans were made, and everyone went to bed tired but satisfied with the day.

Introducing the Team

From left to right: Judith, Henriette, Andrew, Ester, Beatrice

Here we all are at one of the locations out in the desert. Judith and Ester are our two lovely models from Namibia and did an excellent job throughout the shoot. Both worked very hard for long hours without a word of negativity or complaint, and were always interested to learn more about their surroundings at each location. I am very glad I had the opportunity to work with them and hope that I will again in the future.

Henriette and Ester are the clothing designers from Germany. They spent the last six months putting together the collections we photographed. I was very impressed with their level of professionalism and really enjoyed their outfits. They are both very good designers and have contrasting contrasting styles, which helped made my job of photographing both collections back-to-back so much easier.

I would like to thank the team for their hard work, enthusiasm, humor, professionalism and faith in me to represent their work, despite my having no previous experience doing this kind of shoot.

End of Shoot - Work Begins

The photoshoot is over. A more detailed update on days 2-3 will follow soon...

F@#K!!!

I'm knackered, so this will be brief.

Morning Shoot:
A complete disaster. The weather was terrible - fog as thick as a light rain at 05hoo. No sun on the beach (or anywhere else in sight) until 11h00. 5 minutes of great light, the horrible, midday top light.

And me shooting like a complete amateur. Most pics are a write-off. The keepers are far from great.
Lesson of the day - stay calm and humble.

Afternoon Shoot:
Great light, new rocky desert location far out of town (far from the fog bank engulfing Swakopmund), and great models. And great looking clothes by the designers that really suited the location.
After the morning panic, came in slightly unnerved but focused. Got a couple of great shots, quite a few good ones and the usual number of crap photos. At least I'm back on par with myself.
Explained to everyone I had a disastrous morning. They were very understanding, but haven't seen the actual pics yet.

We shoot the same thing tomorrow morning. Just a little later ;-)

D-Day

I just spent two-and-a-half hours doing a meet and greet with Henriette, Beatrice and the two models who will be wearing their collections. Meeting everyone and speaking face-to-face has calmed my nerves. Judging by the way we all communicated with each other, the running of the shoots should be okay. I'm sure there will be some niggles to iron out as we each get used to the others' style of working, but I'm certainly feeling much more confident that there should be no problem with the basic running of things.

The collection's of each designer are very different as are their ideas of the final look they would like to present. This will make it easier for me, as the photographer, to switch between collections on the fly. Both collections look good and I'm sure will be very impactful when worn by either of the very lovely models.

We start with a beach shoot tomorrow morning. Up at 04h00; meet at 05h00. Sunrise is at 06h31. The weather looks like it may actually play in our favor after more than a week of being terrible. I have my usual gear and have managed, thanks to a good friend, to borrow a Nikon D80, reflector, 85mm prime lens, and 17-135 zoom lens. Having a good variety of gear certainly goes a long way to calming my nerves too.

I'm going to try and run (inadvertently) the shoot like a film shoot. There will be little scenarios to play out using slow movements and strong energy. The scenarios will be discussed in detail before being played out, and very little intervention (hopefully) will happen while they happen and as I photograph them. Not quite what models are familiar with, but with some techniques I learnt from dancing butoh, I think we could get some interesting results if they manage to get into it.

And so, my nerves are all directed to where they should be - taking photographs. I would like to have as much concentration there as possible with as little distraction from other elements as possible. Sounds naive, I know, but that is where I would like to ideally be.

Will keep you updated about how it goes...

Painting With Light - Part I

Funnily enough, even though my blog's title refers to the meaning of the word photography, that is not the way I intended it.

Instead, the light that I refer to painting with is my own inner light. Unlike the movie Star Wars, where the the Dark and Light Side exist independently, I acknowledge that both the dark and light co-exist simultaneously within me, and it is my daily working with both of them that ultimately paints, with light, my life story.

I subscribe to a more yin-yang point of view, where darkness and light are relative to one another, and are complementary opposites as opposed to mortal enemies. A picture that is completely white, or completely black would be fairly mundane to me. A picture that that manages to balance both its dark and light aspects harmoniously is far more appealing.
And in this search for balance in daily living, to acknowledge that there will be constant shifts in balance, offering me the opportunity to grow; not by subtraction, but by addition.

Nerves

I'm feeling a bit down today.

There is no prospect of any income coming in soon, and it's nearly the end of the month. I hate living like this; each month-end is a battle of nerves. And yet I know how much more fortunate I am than so many others. Which is precisely why I feel compelled to chase my dream, because to do anything less, I feel, would be an insult to those in this world who do not have (the opportunities that I do). Yet, on days like these, I feel I am only a moment away from joining the destitute. I almost convince myself of the need to look for a regular 8-5 job and all the security it appears to promise. And then I hear about the 'massive retrenchments' that major corporations both globally and locally will need to make to survive. And for a moment, I feel hope again in the choices that I've made. But hope doesn't pay the bills. (Ask several thousand Americans?)

I am also nervous about the shoot this weekend. I have always suffered from a slight case of performance anxiety. Call it the perfectionist in me. Or idealist, or dreamer or whatever. Before an event I'll run through, in my mind, the results I'd like to achieve by the end of it. And what the actual results are and what I imagined are always light-years apart. And then I feel a failure because I did not live up to my own high expectations of myself, even if I knew before the time that I am not capable of achieving the results I want to.

This is slightly different. I feel that I don't have the level of experience shooting fashion to get the results that Beatrice and Henriette will want. It's not that I think I'm a poor photographer, but I know that 'fashion' photography can be the most demanding and usually requires pretty big budgets and really fancy equipment. I'm going in with a severe handicap regarding my equipment and have a budget of zero. And that stresses me a bit right now.

I won't pursue my negative rant, but think it is important to document moments of doubt.

I thought I'd add a photo to today's post, considering that this blog is supposed to be about photography. This is a shot I took in December at a local coffee shop. I'd asked permission to do a shoot there a few times, and was repeatedly told that it needed to go before the committee for a decision. I never got a response from the committee about their decision. So, while photographing Chris and Kerstin around town during the holidays, I suggested a cup of coffee. The coffee shop was full of people and we luckily managed to get a table near the location I wanted to shoot. And so, in full view of a packed out coffee house, Chris, Kerstin and I had an informal photo shoot. I have to laud my young models for their willingness to be fearless on the day...

Model: Kerstin, Natrual Light

Upcoming for the Portfolio

Later this week, from January 30 to February 01, I will be doing a photo shoot with with two young fashion designers from Germany.

Beatrice and Henriette are in Namibia as part of the p.art.ners Berlin-Windhoek program, an exchange program for the arts between Germany and Namibia.
A good friend of mine, Jost Kirsten, is currently on a one year residency in Berlin through this program. He is a fantastic young sculptor and the program is a wonderful opportunity to expose the quality of his art on an International level.

Beatrice called me a week ago and asked if I could do a photoshoot of their clothing collections. She explained that they are on a very tight budget and are not familiar with this region of the country. I considered the proposition, and after much discussion and deliberation with the two ladies, agreed to take the project on.

I decided that I would not charge them for my work. Firstly, I support the p.art.ners initiative, and am willing to contribute to it functioning. Secondly, I thought it better to donate my time and effort than to fix a low market value for my work and get follow-up jobs that expect to compensate me the same amount. Thirdly, I decided that it would be a good project to have on my portfolio at this point in my short career. There is a possibility that the shots may get exposure in magazines or even an exhibition in Germany.

I have also been booked to shoot a wedding on the 14th of February. I am not the official photographer nor am I the official 2nd shooter. I offered to do some photographs for free - once again so that I can add the work to my portfolio.

Both of these opportunities are good news for me, as well as for my currently very thin portfolio. I don't feel entirely comfortable working for no money, but since there are no professional photogs anywhere near where I live, I am unable to be an assistant to anyone and have to gain experience using any means possible.

Has anyone else had similar experieces? What have you done and what advice could you give me?

Mysterious Ways

I need to say thank you.

I received a touching and inspirational surprise this morning (Saturday) when meeting a friend of mine for coffee and to discuss the possibility of a practice shoot in the afternoon. Over coffee, he presented me with a Sigma EF-500DG ST flashgun as a gift.

Wow!!!

I have coveted a flashgun for the past two-and-a-half years and have borrowed this particular one on several occasions in the past for paid corporate work. It does a fantastic job; adds a whole new dimension of possibilities to my photography. Thus far I have worked predominantly (read just about exclusively) with natural light and am a complete novice when it comes to using flashguns. But I know that with only a little bit of practice and knowledge of the equipment, astounding results can be achieved. I am motivated by the fortuitous timing and know how valuable this gift is.

I will not mention the friend's name - I'm almost sure that he would prefer it that way. But here's a message for him:
"Thank you. I don't doubt that you know how much this means to me. I know that it is not just a gift of the physical, but a gesture of goodwill for the direction I have decided upon and a sign of your confidence in my ability to produce some valuable memories for others with it. I will endeavor to do so, and will remain grateful for your support at this crucial moment. "

Below is a photograph taken with the flashgun at in my garden this afternoon. The photograph has had a very quick edit done to it. I am ecstatic with the result.

Model: Silke (thanks for your patience and willingness)
Lighting: Sigma EF500 DG ST Flashgun + Gold Reflector

Three Weeks Ago...

My name is Andrew Robson.

Three weeks ago I made the decision to pursue a career in photography in Namibia. This blog is my tale as it unfolds from here on.

I am 34 years old and live in a town called Swakopmund, population 30 000. Most of the people who live here exist below the breadline. Those that have money would rather spend it on booze than photographs.

I live with a fantastic partner who has a 6 year-old son. She is an artist and he started grade 1 last week. My partner and I have an 11 month-old son. He is the center of my universe.

I have less than three years experience with a camera. I am self taught. I shoot with a Nikon D50. I predominantly use analogue lenses (50mm prime & 35-70mm) on the digital body. I have no accessories like reflectors, flashguns, remotes et al. I have only done one photoshoot for money before.I have virtually no business experience. I have avoided it all my life in favor the creative instinct (I know, I know...).

I am broke as I type this.

I am prone to emotional mood swings that can sabotage my best interests and intents.

If I start another sentence with I, I will stop today's blog.

Please check back regularly to see if I make it or not in this venture; which techniques I beg, borrow and steal; which tips I pass on from others and occasionally think up myself. You get the picture.

And please, please, please comment and offer your own insights and tips as I will need all the help I can get.

I...

Shit!